Day 318/366

The warmth of bright lights -
So irreplaceable.
Family, by your side.
No familiar faces still.
Just a routine and a ritual
Alas! A cracker burst or two.
The devotion once felt towards today
No longer in my blood.
The fake smiles can finally stop.
Let the shininess slowly fade.
Will this repeat itself again?
I hope not, it's too unreal.  

Day 317/366

It feels odd to not be home with my mother and sister for Diwali. It's not like I've actively celebrated festivals in the last 7 years (boarding school and college) and I suppose I feign slight indifference at this point in my life. But you need to be with family, doing whatever you're told to do for the sake of maintaining a tradition that the man of the house would respect and carry out in the most proper way possible.

It's strange not to phodo patakas because I'm suddenly environmentally aware. Maybe it's just the fact that the people I used to enjoy bursting them with aren't around anymore.

I miss the weird taash parties, where my awesome family friends and I would stuff our faces with all the awesome food people got. As we grew older, those evenings translated to the occasional drink or worse, hookah sessions too. There were the non-gambling games, bursting of tons of crackers in fancy gardens and long drives where eggs were thrown at poor, unsuspecting strangers.

I don't know whether Diwali's still the festival of lights for me. There's just too many associations of a happier time in my head, making it harder to enjoy it even close to the same way. I just hope there's no tears shed by the end of tomorrow.