There was no sense to our having met. But then again, it was the same thing said when we had met for the first time years ago. The only difference was that this time, sparks of indifference went flying across the tables instead of nicer sparks of love to warm up to.
I lied to him and told him that this was just a social experiment. Perhaps, it was never intended to be a lie but sheer honestly that came out too brutal for him to hear. I'll always remember how his smile turned upside down and how good that made me feel. At least that's what I convinced myself to believe.
The alcohol did not seem to be running its usual course. As I downed one mug of beer after another, the vision did not blur as I had hoped for it to. The sense of comfort and familiarity felt ridiculous. I wanted to make myself feel contradictory feelings but nothing was going as I had planned. To be honest, nothing had been planned in the first place.
I wasn't sure what to expect from our little interaction. From the way my brain seems to have forgotten (purposely?) to make it's usual mental notes, perhaps the conversation went just how it was supposed to - covered by layers of indifference not waiting to be discovered. And for my own sake, I shall leave it uncovered.
I lied to him and told him that this was just a social experiment. Perhaps, it was never intended to be a lie but sheer honestly that came out too brutal for him to hear. I'll always remember how his smile turned upside down and how good that made me feel. At least that's what I convinced myself to believe.
The alcohol did not seem to be running its usual course. As I downed one mug of beer after another, the vision did not blur as I had hoped for it to. The sense of comfort and familiarity felt ridiculous. I wanted to make myself feel contradictory feelings but nothing was going as I had planned. To be honest, nothing had been planned in the first place.
I wasn't sure what to expect from our little interaction. From the way my brain seems to have forgotten (purposely?) to make it's usual mental notes, perhaps the conversation went just how it was supposed to - covered by layers of indifference not waiting to be discovered. And for my own sake, I shall leave it uncovered.
What goes in stays in, this ball of feelings cannot be buried nor can be passed around . Some feel uncomfortable, awkward and even angry because of the familiarity and some still hope for another chance.
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