Day 329/366

It's sometimes scary to revisit your own past. There's a little too many things pulling you into a reverie, too many pushing you out of the present reality. It's disheartening, at times, to know that you aren't what you could have been, what you safely assumed was who you wanted to be. It pinches, seeing the chits written by lovers who you spurned away till it hurt, knowing there was more than what you believed it to be. It's a rush of emotions, a path you don't necessarily want to talk down upon.

But then again, there are the smiles at lost memories, finding that CD of the band you used to hear on loop, or simply a sensuous cologne you had hidden in the depths of your cupboard.

It's quite strange being back in Calcutta for the first time since I've been employed. It's like coming back to home, both attached and detached. It's an interesting experience, worthy of writing a story about. But it's a little too overwhelming to deal with at one go. *sigh*

Day 303/366

As you grow older, two things happen - a) you grow increasingly aware of how lucky you are or b) you realize that no one gives a shit about your pathetic existence. See, the problem with human beings is that this differentiation is made at all. The lucky buggers don't see why they are fortunate and the other category guys are never told how lucky they are to even have a life that they could do whatever you want with. Even if it's an act of rebellion that triggers off a series of bad events in one's life, it's worth doing it; you did it for a cause. How or why do people make it so hard to find a cause to pursue, one that pulls you towards it and you never want to be released? Where is the passion, the zest for living, that one day formed communities, which eventually became the passion-less society of today. Of course, generalizing would be rather wrong. But while there are plenty of writers and artists and musicians just living, even if their source of inspiration isn't a happy one, there are as many dull and depressed souls actually contemplating suicide, day in day out. Stop with the madness. Evaluate your life. Even if it doesn't add up to how much you had hoped for right now, it did once. If even your past was a bitch to you, remember, you still have your future ahead of you. Tomorrow may be a shiny day or rainy one. Who cares? Just keep your umbrella with you anyway. =)