Monday, December 31, 2012

Day 366/366

The last one.

The candle flickering away,
Oh! But it just died.
Somebody's chips are like their fingers,
The stars are like daisies in a line.
Pretty little lights awaken me,
Shining into my soul,
There in my eyes they glitter,
Bright, disco vibes.
Rummaging through my mind,
I find a piece of yesterday.
And of tomorrow as I know it,
Of today, how it stands in front of me.

Over. And out.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Day 365/366

This one's just going to be a list of some of the best songs I've heard this year and fallen in love with:

  • Mermaids-Jinja Safari
  • Sort of Revolution-Fink
  • Beep Off-Sky Rabbit
  • Almost everything by the Supersonics
  • Tonight you belong to me-Eddie Vedder and Cat Power
  • 4 Times and Once After-Superfuzz
  • Shadows Fall - Carl Barat
  • Good Way to Die-Spud in the Box
  • Too Close-Alex Clare
  • Flaws-Bombay Bicycle Club (ft Lucy Rose)
  • Hangover-Buraka Som Sistema
  • Daydreaming-Dark Dark Dark
  • Angels-The XX
  • Aisi Sazaa-Gulaal
  • Promise I Won't Laugh-Barna Howard
  • Redemption-Nikhil D'Souza
  • Move on Me-Fink
  • Breakers-Gem Club
  • Postcards from Italy-Beirut
  • Don't You Worry-Lucy Rose
  • Live to Rise-Soundgarden
  • Ghum-Swarathma
  • Sextape-Deftones
  • Time to Restart-Grain
  • Passionflower-Jon Gomm
  • Keh Ke Lunga-Gangs of Wasseypur
  • Kyon-Papon (Barfi!)
  • Hilltop-Sky Rabbit
  • Ebb-Lounge Piranha
  • The full Midnight in Paris OST
  • Dhamavati-Susheela Raman
  • Wait for Me-Shantanu Pandit
  • Tung Tung-Soundtrippin
  • Most of the hidden tracks on WatchListenTell
  • The Dissembler-TankBund
  • Today-The Dewarists
  • Like a Mountain-Timber Timbre
  • Strings-Young the Giant
  • Yeh Suna Hai Kay-Ankur Tewari
  • Fall Someplace-Your Chain
  • Little Woman-The Mavyns
  • The Dreamers OST
  • Rain-Siddharth Basrur
  • Happiness-Peter Cat Recording Co.
  • Old Whore-Dischordian
  • The Mayans Know-Punk Ass Orifus
  • Keep You-Slow Down Clown
  • Happy Pills-Norah Jones
  • Funk Blaster-Koan Sound
I think that's about it for now. I'll keep updating this list when I remember more songs that made my year. Happy listening!

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Day 364/366

I've gone to one protest in my life, and that's about the anonymity and censorship of the Internet. But today, I went for the protest for the girl who was raped in Delhi and faced a death that was not deserved of her. Initially, it was a protest I wanted to be a part of. I screamed for her justice and held a candle in my hand. Eventually, I realised it was a protest that had no cause, which allowed an electronic media to control its shape. By the end of what I saw, there were people singing Raghupati Raghav Raja Ram, which defaulted from the cause at hand. Can Indians get the protests right ever? From whatever I've read, we've always digressed at some point. Can't the focus just be a memory-of a sister or daughter lost in a war against an evil that she can't fight alone? Even if she tries, the numbers overpower her. It isn't fair. And the worst part is that we're the country that prides ourself with the Kamasutra. Really?

Friday, December 28, 2012

Day 363/366

Looking back at 2012, it's been a pretty decent year. At least what I remember of it. There has been family time, intensity, inspiration, lack of it, recklessness, highs and lows that have helped me fill the virtual space that this blog has taken up. There have been new people, a hell lot of new music and movies that have entered. There have probably just as many old slots that were unknowingly replaced. I even moved up from DSP Black to Imperial Blue (doesn't help much, but still).

More importantly, I think there's been a certain amount of maturity that has crept in. I got a job, I nearly graduated, I only called in sick once in the last 6 months, I wrote more than I ever have. There are too many people to thank for these things, but I realize that I have to give myself some credit. This is not a self-praise post, mind you. It's just a reminder if/when I stop by and read this, I'll know that I have 3 more to go after this. The blog made me want to be consistent, even in the worst of times. It made me understand how easy it is to add something to your schedule. In the same way, I'm going to let go of this extremely easily because it's just been an addition that I didn't need. Sure, I technically did not have a writer's block for 363 days so far, but it's been painful getting words out at some points of time.

My wine awaits me, and I think I have made the point to myself. I hope so, anyway.

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Day 362/366

Everything was blocking something or the other in the room. I lay horizontal, unable to move. The blood stain on the ceiling had me wondering where it had come from. I was fixated on that spot. No mercy was shown, as I coughed my lungs out. It seemed like a bloodbath that wouldn't end. Make it end, I said. They shot me.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Day 361/366

An unusual quiet falls over the crowd,
Will he do it justice or fail miserably?
The rendition is not one that can be done too easily,
Yet with an earnest effort he succeeds.

Close enough to the original,
Yet new in many ways,
The happiness that follows,
Only tangible in the musician's head.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Day 360/366

It was perfect, just like it always had been. There was no awkward silent moment, no hiccups mid-sentence, nothing. I think I had secretly hoped it would be a little strange, considering it had been four years since we had spoken face to face. But this was just like the old times, as perfectly simple as always. No hands were held, no kisses shared. But it was that randomness that had been retained over time, the enjoyment of surreal conversation. And he gave me that. I was not forced to talk much, except in reprimanding him over certain artistes he listened to these days. Other than that, it felt moronic not to talk. I dropped him to the auto, and in that, he dropped me home. It wasn't even formal. You couldn't call it that because it wasn't quite that with us even now. It felt at home, to say the least. Even four years hence, I think I'd still allow myself to be myself only around you. 

Monday, December 24, 2012

Day 359/366

He's 53 today, wherever he is, enjoying his glass of Laphroig. God knows where he found that brand of whiskey but I'm sure it's good.

What a man he was. Had he been around today, I'd have given him 53 hugs and 53 kisses on the cheek, and then multiplied it by infinity.

A kind soul, a loving friend, who left us too early. But then, the heavens have always called on their favorites first. And to everyone who had the opportunity to know him, he was nothing less than that. He was my favorite. As was Ma, of course. But he had a different charm about him - the Old Spice, the Bengali newspapers where I would be made to read out all the articles that had 'chai' in the headline, the visits to Darjeeling and Kathmandu and Puri, that seemed to be the best family holiday spots at the time.

He was too young, gone too early for anyone's liking. But he went with dignity, with an admiration for the world and all it has to offer - something that I'm glad has stayed with me.

I started believing that good things happen at the wrong time. At least, that was how it was after he left, for the good things were too few and feeble compared to the times I shared with him. Still, you can't always have things your way. When the worst nightmares become a reality, you have no choice but to confront them. And I doubt he'd have it any other way. He was a man of strong character, a loving father and husband and son. The memories seem to lose their clarity with time. But he knows he'll always remembered, he'll smile down and protect us no matter what the circumstance.

Happy 53rd, Papa. It's a shame we didn't get to see you celebrate. I love you.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Day 358/366

Watch her blush the final time,
As she sinks behind the hill,
Disappearing without a glimpse of hope,
Taking the light with her fall.

Like the broken sunset,
This journey ends,
Ceaseless without a start-
You came, stayed and left
In the blink of an eye,
I don't even know what went on.

Like the morning star,
In the gloomiest sky,
Shining with all its might.
Leaving the day incomplete,
Let us end this now with grace.

To hold on to the idea of you,
Anew, yet seemingly old.
Of matters of the heart,
I am but a stranger,
Just as you shall be one again.

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Day 357/366

A letter to the man who will make me want to forget the happiness of being alone:

I wish I had not met you.

It took me so long to break out of the company of worthless men. I took pride in walking the roads alone, earphones on to block out the sounds of society that I had genuinely stopped caring about. It was a wonderful time of my life, where memories may not have included conversations and the sharing of feelings; instead, music, poetry, lyrics and a fascination for the world took over my life in the best way possible.

Unfortunately, though, I must take back what I said. I have always been someone who accommodates change into my life. And I will do the same with you. If I like the idea of a certain change, it’s easier to adjust and allow the newness to become more familiar, which I notice is the case with you.

For this reason, I wish I had not kissed you. The butterflies in my stomach are like uninvited visitors, and you sometimes make me wish I hadn’t leaned in. I have not known the touch of a man less savage than me, and to have you occasionally hold my hand scares me. You were once a stranger to me, if you remember. I’d rather go back to that than to have you let you in close and leave without a warning ever so often.

You know what you have done to me, don’t you? Exposing me to how comforting your touch is, I have lost my will to hide any shyness or patience that may one has nested inside me. I need you more than I’d like to admit to myself. But while I show it externally as a physical urge, I wish you’d want to know, well, me.

I don’t think I’m very good at differentiating between the physical and the emotional. Worse, I don’t want to differentiate and convince myself one way or the other. There is something different about your kiss, or the lack of it. I hate that you know how fascinated I am with you, by the idea of you; how you can see me blush uncontrollably when you look at me. You probably don’t feel the same; or at least, you do a good job hiding it.

For someone who has always befriends words, I hate that they are deserting me when I want to understand why I should go back to the way things were. There was something so natural and simple about being alone. But you came in and made me want to unlearn that feeling, which disappoints me because I’m quickly warming up to the notion of you.

It’s the littlest things that make a difference, short-lived as they may be. The idea that this feeling may one day fade away just like the others has not even crossed my mind, yet. It probably will, considering how I’m so prone running back to the arms of loneliness. But while I still have your attention, kiss me once more. Whisper the sweet nothings, shower me with affection and hold me while we sleep. I may not get the right response at first go, but I’ll learn. I think I want to.

Hopefully yours,