Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Day 248/366

I have finally started understanding the search for contentment that most human beings embark upon after a certain age. I'm not keeping mine as an active mission or anything though. I'm just saying that there's a reason why people don't always try to oversimplify life. It isn't that you WANT it to be complicated or stressful but sometimes, it just becomes that and it's not in your hands to.

I recently had a Sunday all to myself where nothing was demanded of me and I realized how disorienting it was to experience that. My life at some point during college used to be shallow and high and I don't remember what exactly I did then. But it wasn't my choice to leave that behind and not fail and actually land my first job. And when that began, I couldn't just turn around and say that the responsibility was too much for the amount I was being paid. I didn't know what the feeling of being paid for your contribution was till now, let alone for an awesome newspaper that a lot of people in this city seem to actually be reading. It feels worth it when you get follow up calls based on specific articles you've written and when you can treat your loved ones with your first salary.

But it's equally frustrating as well. It's not nice to not have your mother to come back home and crib to after a long day's work. But it's a part and parcel of life. I'm supposed to look at the bigger picture. In that f***ing bigger picture, I wasn't told that the events I cover end so late that I have no time to have a social life but for the strangers I interact with for quotes. I wasn't told that it will be frowned upon to flirt with that sexy guy across the hall because the news might reach your editor. It's not fair. But you suck it up and do it. I can't blame my genes for the premature greying of my hair. It's happening. And I wish life was stress-free and that I had time for exercise and to meet a friend for a drink or to Skype with my mother. But life's a real bitch sometimes. And that bitch pays well and makes you feel financially independent but it doesn't change the way it takes over your life and makes you truly experience the Monday morning blues. 

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