Day 315/366

It's been a while since college. And some things are the same, some different. The songs chosen for a 'session' are as familiar and perfect as they were back then. The occasional happy gifts are still given in the same forms, only of better quality (if you know what I mean!). The smells are exactly what they were. They make me feel at home.

At the same moment, she and I decided to put the next song on the playlist as that old tune we both shared our most simple and best times of our lives with. More connections were remembered; the old one revisiting. Somebody cracks a joke and though it's lame, you laugh. No one else could cheer you up on potential 'bad days' as her silly humour could. You talk of the others, just as close and perfectly weird in different ways. All a part of and whole of each one's life.

It's worth being awake and enjoying each moment. If today will be our last meeting for any reason in life, don't let this be anything but the best.

I really miss college.

Day 298/366

It feels like so long ago. College. It turns out, it actually was the best days of my life. I'm trying to go back to school days and it doesn't seem too clear a memory. But the last three years, whatever I can remember of it, were insane. I think I found myself, lost track of who she was and then somewhere, found her on and off again and again. People changed, I changed, relationships changed. But the work load stayed constant. And like an ass, I joined possibly one of my best mistakes of college life, The Tossed Salad, which made me work extra hard and not enjoy to the fullest. But, it helped me discover the music scene as I know it today. Fuck! I can't start to think of Pune without getting stopped at the long list of memories and incidents shared with each and every one of them. It didn't hit me until just now that I'm going back there in ten days. It feels very weird and I want to throw up at the idea of passing by those familiar haunts and not knowing a single person there. Worse, I'll pass my house and know that some other family is paying rent and staying there. Worse, the neighbours will now have no one to complain about. I pity them. It was quite a lot of fun pissing them off.

I miss the home delivered pizzas with cheese oozing out, the walks to my puchka and bhel guy down the road, all the houses I would frequently visit for high/sober reasons, the visitors at our place, the piles of clothes (clean, apparently) which would be used to jump on, the mouse in the bucket that almost killed itself by drowning, the irritating bai, Chibos, the tapri and Mausi's chai and vada pav, High Spirits, Khodu calling me Kejri-balls, the Dadar boys coming to town, cupcakes, Dario's when you felt rich, stealing free wifi connections...I miss it all. I want it all back.

Day 279/366

Nothing beats getting that beautiful high with college friends. Regardless of whose around, you just feel like your most normal self and there are only happy thoughts in your head. You are back to waiting for the sound of the pizza delivery guy's bike. That beautiful purr that told you that an edible form of joy has arrived. There is music playing as you wait. It's all so simple and yet, we can't make it happen often enough. But there will be more tonights, beautiful memories or blurs that feel like the past, like the beginning, like the best days of your life.

Day 155/366

Since I was a kid, I've always had a passion for learning; I am easily fascinated by things I don't know and I try and gather as much knowledge on a subject as I can if I'm even remotely interested. This was something that I picked up from my father, who was the one who got into the habit of reading newspapers every morning from a very early age. Even if I didn't know what a chief minister's official job was, I would know what he/she was upto by reading the same name in all the headlines in Telegraph and browsing through the articles. I'm not bragging but school was never really 'difficult' for me because I actually enjoyed the process of attending classes, taking notes and writing tests; this alongside sports and extra-curricular activities that I also took pleasure in participating in.

Today, our education system has changed beyond my recognition and I'm still trying to figure out why. There are children killing themselves in anticipation of bad results, there are parents booking a place for their kids in preschools as soon as they're born and there is this unnecessary pressure on everyone's head to be a topper. I'm not saying that it's okay to be mediocre but we are robbing generations of children of a carefree childhood thanks to today's system of learning. (And let's not forget the new trend of every ten-year-old wanting a Playstation or an iPhone or other such gizmo to show off to their friends.) Playing the blame game really isn't an option here because everyone will deny any accusation: parents just want 'the best for their son/daughter' without bothering to ask the kid if he/she even aspires to be an engineer or a doctor; kids are trying so hard to keep their parents happy that they forget to dream and speak up; the government lives off our money and fails to provide good education to those who need and deserve it a.k.a everybody!

Sure, you have the occasional changemaker like Teach For India which comes up and takes the nation by surprise. It is noble to give up 3 years of your life for the cause of education for all. But how many 'fellows' are there who are actually doing this for the right reasons? In my friends circle, I know people who are going to be taking part in the program. Some have a genuine interest in this. But that's a hasty generalization to make for the rest considering I also know of people who applied just because no other career option was working out and teaching seemed an 'easy enough' way of making Rs 16,000 a month.

The most obvious culprit for this level of competition being brought into a student's life is capitalism and globalization, which has allowed the privatization of the education sector. A parent is apparently rendered helpless to the changing times and has to urge their offspring to be the best because the child does not realize the implications for the future. Somewhere, there is truth in this. When I was studying in Rishi Valley, I was not really concerned about colleges and careers. (But it's not like I gave my mother a reason to complain since my studies went on well because I enjoyed the subjects.)I was blissfully oblivious of the tensions of the outside world and spent my evenings playing volleyball or secretly cooking Maggi or going and sitting on some hill and writing. But this post is being written because I know that it isn't the right ideology to blame and I'm not sure what is. In my sheltered education in boarding school, I lost out on feeling the pressure, which I probably would have had I continued in Calcutta. As a friend pointed out, 'policy paralysis is the issue with education in our country, not capitalism.' Quite true.

In Symbiosis, I had no chance but to start thinking about it. I know I paid more than was required for my college education. Other universities in India could have given me the same amount of knowledge. But my college overworked me! And forced me to use each of my vacations to do an internship. In other words, it prepared me for an industry (media) that is not kind. I got a firsthand experience of it before I joined it and it gave me the option of quitting before I can start. A lot of my colleagues have changed their career path because of this. I'm not one of them.

As of now, my stint with formal education is over unless I find a course that intrigues me and makes me want to take it up. In print journalism, there is only so much that one can study in theory. I can't wait to start working and learn on the job. If there is stress in my life, I know that I won't end my life over it. (Or at least I hope I don't) If I get killed for reporting the truth about some politician/don/corporate honcho, so be it. It's a pity to sit idle and not work if you've been well educated. My parents have invested in my education till now and it's time I return the favor. I hope others in my generation do too.

Day 140/366

It's done. College is officially over. This is the last time I'm going to be sitting in the cool computer lab where people have waited till 5 in the evening everyday to be able to access Facebook. These corridors that I have run around in trying to make it to class on time are going to become a fond memory. But that's all it will be - a memory that will perhaps fade with time. It's not going to be the same feeling when I come back in a few months to write my backlog exams. By then, I will hopefully be a working journalist somewhere in the country who has to take out time from her busy schedule to come and write an exam. The friendly faces of my batchmates, the irritated looks on the teachers and the sweet smiles on the staff members will always be cherished.

It's all over. But in some ways, it's only beginning.

Day 126/366

It's my last hour of formal education. I'm sitting in class with earphones on listening to Jack White. A while back, I woke up from a much needed 2 hour nap and found out that people clicked photos of me sleeping with my mouth open. I made a face and went back to sleep.

I'm irritated and have come up with a not-so-brilliant line that I want to use but I'm still waiting for the opportune moment to say it. The line: Oh, you found a new reason to laugh at my expense? What's new? (It's the new laughing at yourself without actually having to laugh)

After this class, I'm not going to be a student any more. I'm done with being taught by a teacher within the walls of a classroom. After this, I'm going to be learning on the job and the only notes I'm going to be taking are quotes and interviews for articles. It's an overwhelming feeling. Since boarding school, I've always had a deep respect for the bond shared by a teacher and his/her student. You can't blame me for thinking like that considering my Economics teacher was my jogging partner! That's how the friendship with certain teachers has been. They speak, I listen. I speak my mind, They discuss the point I made, I learn. This is the end of that era for me.

I had always imagined that I'd be excited to get done with this college. There was no concept of holidays in my three years here - every vacation we got, we had to intern for six out of eight weeks. There was never a dearth of assignments and deadlines. There was no concept of weekends: we had to attend classes every Saturday (full day!) And on Sundays, we had to complete assignments and study for Monday morning tests.

So why am I still feeling pangs of nostalgia as this hour, these three years come to and end? Because college never stopped at the classroom. The kind of things I've seen and done outside that holy space have made me experience more than I could have ever fathomed or had bargained for.  Cheers to three years of madness, hard work & insane memories that can never be spoken of! *hic*

Day 116/366

I went to the Elephanta Caves yesterday. Being the last field trip in college, and more so, in my entire span of formal education, I decided to follow the teacher around as he took up the role of the tour guide. I would have preferred to run around following the monkeys on the island had it not been for the first story Sir told us. Lord Shiva's son, Kartikeya, is like a mountain god very similar to Murugan, the popular South Indian god. Now, his origin was traced back to the gods of one of earliest civilization tribes called Ma in Africa. That tribe still exists in some part of that continent and lives the same lifestyle as it did earlier. I found this possibility of culture sharing deeply interesting.


Someone asked Sir about how there was no sculpture depicting the controversial charas smoking Shiva. What Sir said was that Shiva was originally a Vedic god, not a tribal one as is the modern understanding. Tantrics apparently implanted that trait to him to get a high in the name of devotion, whereas the same could have been attained by meditation or music! Also, in the Trimurti, someone had to be the sage, which was granted to Brahma; another had to be the human, which Vishnu was designated as; by default, Shiva had to be the demon, making him the wild, tribal deity that he is popularly seen as today.


He told us the story of Shiva as the Ardhanarishvar, of how Ravan became a Shiva bhakt, of the importance of the Shiva linga. Whether you are an atheist or a staunch believer in a certain religion, mythology is something that is hard to not find fascinating. It's a pity that the Portuguese used these sculptures for shooting practice and destroyed many of those fascinating tales that few will be able to tell the way our storyteller teacher did.

Day 111/366

A farewell bid to batch 2012,
Like prisoners released from jail
With photo shoots and free food
I'm glad I live to tell this tale.

We won the Nirma Award,
And walked the red carpet
The juniors put up a great show
And really made us feel special.

No drama, tears or torn feelings,
Only a night of laughs and fun
I'll miss this place when I do leave
But the realization hasn't yet dawned.

Day 96/366

I always thought that college would be this beautiful, brilliant rush; like a roller coaster ride where you get off feeling dizzy but you know you had a good time. And it pretty much was that for most of it despite the frequent assignments dumped on us. There was a lot of pressure within the walls of the college but once you stepped out, there was a dozen things that could make you feel liberated: be it the alcohol you were made to chug just because your friend was bored and wished to be entertained or the first of other things that one cannot and should not write about on a public blog. I am quite sure that everyone knows what I'm talking about here.

But somehow, towards the end of it, it's not feeling like such a happy journey anymore. Do you know how it feels to be so close to someone that you can't even comprehend a life without them and when you are forced to imagine that day, you run away from the reality? That's kind of what I'm feeling right now. Boarding school was one of the best experiences of my life and I know I made four years of memories there that I will always carry with me through life. College, somehow, has been more special than that. The friends that have helped me sail through these last 3 years were found on the first night at the hostel itself. And we've stuck together. It's a little hard to believe that within a month, it's not going to be the way it has been so far. I just hope I'm ready for the change when it hits me.

Day 6/366

I finally cracked it! I finally figured out why I hate some of the modules of my subject. Especially Audio-Visual. I am a final year almost-graduate and while I say I specialize in Journalism, I know it is only a half truth. We are still forced to give exams on subjects like 'Camera and Lighting' and 'Post-Production.' Why? Because there are lesser Journalism related subjects to teach us.

I'm not going to say that I find film studies boring - that is a whole different world of brilliance and there are some teachers who have taught me about Hitchcock and Flaherty's films with such passion that it's hard not to want to listen. It's only the technical nittigritties that get to me.

Now to the genius-in-my-mind realization I had this morning a.k.a the point of this post: Since my first semester, I have committedly resisted studying about the technicalities of photography and cameras - exposure, iris, aperture and what not! This is possibly and probably because I like clicking what I feel like with the idea of experimenting in my mind, I don't want to be taught how to capture a moment. Also, I believe that photography is a lot to do with luck. If you just happen to have something frame-worthy in front of you and a camera in your bag, you're sorted. [Note: It's the natural, not posed photos that truly make for good profile pictures on Facebook. But then, that's my personal opinion.]

‎​Pretty much the same principle applies when it comes to learning about the different types of shots, narrative structures, transitions, cutaways and other such jargon. I just can't get myself to listen to the teacher because I've enjoyed my film watching experience too much. I'm one of those people who are meant to watch and enjoy and perhaps, critique films. Psychoanalyzing camera angles and looking for jump cuts is not my cup of tea. Make that cup of coffee, actually. I realized this when I forced my flatmates to come and watch Jaideep Verma's Leaving Home: The Life & Music of Indian Ocean with me because I really like the band and was helping in promoting their documentary in Pune. After the film, when they told me it was like a college documentary screening for them, I knew I never wanted that to happen to me. So, my mind just blocked out any technical education on films.

I just know I'm not meant to be studying these subjects at all. As the funny quote on the logo t-shirt goes: "I was born intelligent. Education ruined me". It holds true for me in this context. I have the love for cinema in my blood; just not the patience and will to enjoy breaking a film down. But I do like education. I love studying new things because I'm easily fascinated by new knowledge. And I think my main driving force to wake up every morning and face each new day is the idea of a new adventure, a journey to embark on. Perhaps alone; preferably with company.