Day 333/366

This one's dedicated to the dreamers, sleepwalkers and insomniacs that may one day come across this, listening to Blue in Green late into the night, Miles Davis keeping you awake more than the last cup of coffee you had.

Imagine a world with no pretensions, where every single soul is out to discover themselves in the most honest form. They cannot sleep or function with the knowledge that they are lost. And yet, in today’s generation, being confused is forgiven, almost treated with a sense of feigned innocence that puts a child’s imagination to shame.

Often, it's best to have certain fears come true. And slap you in the face a few times till you register what hit you; till each muscle in your body shakes and comes alive by confronting your worst nightmare.

Each of us need a rehab for some habit of ours, something nagging thing about you that's like a chicken pox itch you can't scratch without it leaving a mark that you knew you could have prevented. But isn't it better to get it over with and feel alive and painless for a moment, despite the scars? 

Life is unfair. Kill yourself, or get over it.

Day 281/366

There's no particular reason why you get attached to a person. It just happens. Sometimes, you hit it off right away. Sometimes, you need one conversation and a following eternity to realize it.

Attachments come in weird shapes and sizes. You could not want to let go of that chubby friend of yours because of the warmth he/she gives out. You could clutch on to your gym trainer who is the only one who keeps your body happy (Get laid, bro!). It could be a weird kind of material attachment - like this guy I know and his drug dealer. (I'm only making a point) Or a more basic monetary bond with your parents or boss or husband, whoever it is that gives you money when you need/earn it. It's everywhere. Even someone who says they are not attached to anything are pretty much attached to the idea of detachment. Isn't it?

So, is there a way around it or out of it altogether? Should there be? It's human to have attachments, apparently. But what's the point of it when it all goes away someday, or over time, leading to slow and steady depression or whatever else goes on to someone who realizes that the silly quote of the 'You value what you had only after it's gone' franchise? Why do we convince ourselves to take so much bullshit all the f***ing time? We sold out bad, didn't we? 

Day 238/366

At the end of the long day, you need that drink. Your sinuses are clogged. That drag will open them up. There will be a momentary pleasure and you will be granted pleasure over pain. That cup of coffee will wake you up when you want to sleep. Man's touch will drive you crazy and make you crave as much as you can get. You will be an addict in the eyes of society. In your own, you will be free.

Day 222/366

Ant, please do not die on me.

You must live longer than me

Face more hardships

Lay out a path for me to follow.

Hello, self-licking cat.

I hear you're pretty amusing.

Can you teach me your tricks?

I promise I'll give you due credit.

Deer, Sir/Madam,

You feature in all my letters,

Did you file for defacement

For the sound and use of your name?

Stop it, hyena.

You make my tummy hurt.

Pass me the doob and don't crack no more jokes.

Okay fine, laugh once more.

Sheep without the 's' at the end

How do you know if you're one or many?

Oh, you're satisfied just baa-ing by yourself?

All right then. Baaye!

You, penniless human.

Polish my shoe, cook my food, wash my dirty clothes.

I have something you know you need and weren't born with lots of.

Kiss my ass because I am rich.

Day 219/366

Are you like your father?
Do you resemble your Ma?
What can you say about your culture?
Do you know when you were born?

Be glad you know how old you are
That you weren't born in a garbage bin
That your brother never hit you
That you grew up to see today.

Know that you are lucky
For you were not born still
Someone gave you a name, an identity
You were provided with a home.

There is no space for hate or war.
Why make this into a fight to stay alive?
Why is humanity bent on its own premature death?
You are still breathing.
Remember?

Day 216/366

Shiny, Shiny, Glistening tears in your eye

Do you shy away from the idea-

Of the climax we can reach?

Does it make you lose your senses?

Cold, hot touch

Unfamiliar.

I recite poetry from my heart

As you spit out your insides

You drown in your own screams.

You draw me closer

As you push me away

I know you like it

Though I know you hate.

Carnal desire,

Lustful crime,

Do you want me to continue?

Or must I take your life?

Day 211/366

We have an Indian mentality which lets us forget things we 'outrage' over for a day or two and then look for something else to fuss over. If a rape or murder or horrible crime is exposed by the media, we curse the men/women behind it and get angry and the anger fizzles out quicker than it started. We can never accept the possibility that we can be the next victim. But then again, sometimes it's hard to comprehend that there are people, humans like you who can do such a thing as take another human's life voluntarily.

Imagine you're talking to your daughter on the phone. You have a nice hot cup of tea in your hands that you're taking slow sips out of. She tells you that she's in area 'x' on her way home. She is in a different city. Or perhaps even in the same. You are convinced that she knows the way home and is keeping a look out at the places around her. It is dark outside. It is late at night and you knew the auto wasn't a good idea to allow her to come by.But you didn't do anything about it because she's done this many times and nothing bad has ever happened.

Your daughter screams on the other end. You hear a man abusing and her crying for help. Or trying to. You hear the phone disconnect and never hear her voice again.

She did not pay attention to the road because she was too happy talking to you. Or too high. Or too confident that nothing like this could ever happen to her. The reason does not matter anymore. She had read about it in the newspapers but she was convinced that she would never face this. You never fathomed the possibility of this happening to you. You'll never know anything about what happened to her after that. There would be no evidence, no memory, no sign of your child. The criminal mastermind managed to get away with it.

He is  a human being just like you.

Day 195/366

My mother was right. It is only in the arms of loved ones can one really feel safe in this world.

We are on the good side. So it's easy to condemn and abuse and outrage over rapes, murders, corruption and other violations of human rights that come to our notice. But what about the millions of unsaid stories that victims have to live with day in day out? What about the stories that can never be read or heard about (or more recently, 'seen') because suicide seemed the better way out? Where is the justice in the system anyway?

Mental, physical, sexual or psychological abuse can never be justified. And nobody should even try to. The court just sits on a case for as many years as it feels like. Without a huge public outcry or trial by media (that does not always lead to results), justice seems to be delayed most of the time. As a court of justice, does it not have the duty to treat each case with as much importance and value as the other? When did selectivity to crime and justice seep in?  

Our justice system is too flawed for us to count on it. So is the TRP hungry media, apparently. While we can make a big fuss over everything that goes 'viral' and rejoice that issues are 'trending' on Twitter, it is not going to make the change we hope to see. It might help us identify some of the bastards who could treat a woman the way they did with disgusting smiles on their face that deserve to be ripped out of their face. But what next? We want to hang the wrongdoers, castrate them, watch them writhe in pain. But why have all of them not been arrested yet? If/when they are, will the punishment they deserve be meted out to them? Or will they just get away with a short jail term or even worse, by giving bail in court? For once, we have faces to fall back on and use as solid evidence in the case. And yet the police can't nab them within 24 hours.

We need to look around us, find faults in the system, speak up against it without fear, act upon what we say and ensure that justice reaches the most deserted or crowded nooks and corners. We need to keep a watch on the cycle of justice from close quarters right from the origin of the crime to the court verdict to the implementation of the sentence. This, no matter how petty a crime it seems. Somebody needs to ensure that lessons are learnt. What kind of inhuman society are we living in?

Day 166/366

A person can change and do what he/she wants and has the right to enjoy life the way they want to. But in our society, they are answerable to an entity known as the family, which is personally, the only thing that keeps me sane.

I've made some errors in my judgment in the past - thoughtless acts that I should have sat down and weighed out. But since I don't want to have regrets in life, I'm glad that I experienced those things because it has made me who I am.

I don't feel like a child anymore because I have seen too much of the harsh side of reality. It has made me stronger in facing life. Sadly, the wall I built around me is now too rigid and I feel like I've become too independent for my own good. I'm just 21 and sometimes, I feel like an old person who is ready for their death bed. Maturity has come at a heavy price. And I don't think I'm ready to pay more.

I've decided to make changes in my life, in myself, in my attitude to things and people in my life. I need to figure out where my priority lies and how I've managed to screw it up. I'm going to go do that now. My only suggestion to anyone who has read uptil here is that go do the same. Evaluate where your life is, was and is heading. Don't be afraid to change. The cliche is true-change IS inevitable and that's not a bad thing. More importantly, learn to show your family that you love them. We get angry with family members when they don't understand something or ask us for help. We grew up counting on them to know everything. When we see that they're getting older, it scares us. We don't want to accept it. But we need to. Each one of us. Indians are lucky to have such a strong notion of family. Appreciate that and keep them happy. It's the blood relations that really count.

Day 157/366

Before I start this post, let me make one thing clear: I have generalized in this post. There are exceptions to what I am writing about. If you're one of those exceptions, pat yourself on the shoulder. If you're a part of the crowd like me, hello! Okay then...

We're all full of shit. Yes, you read that right. We're one worse than the other when it comes to being a hypocrite. We're all clinging onto ideals and certain ideologies that are utopian in theory. They could possibly even work out practically if we tried hard enough. But how many of us do?

Environmentalists sleep in rooms with air conditioners on all night, politicians slyly (or openly) put money in their pockets that they know is supposed to be used to help the public, journalists take money to write good things about big companies who deserve nothing but harsh criticism.

That's what the world has come down to. Even in the non-professional world, we're all lying to ourselves to find acceptance and fit into an already messed up society. It's at least more forgivable to accept that you're being hypocritical and go about living life. If you deny it outright, you're living a lie, my friend.

And before I forget, Happy World Environment Day. Because the world needs one day in the year to suddenly show that they care about the environment. Oh, and because it wasn't enough that we commercialized love on Valentine's Day.

Day 137/366

The intangible region of grey,
Uncommon to the black or the white,
Off the ledge it stands,
Facing it's back to the fight.

No violence based on color of skin
No emotions based on race,
One love for all humanity,
It's not too hard a goal to chase.

Let's win the war on terror,
And not let fundamentalism win.
The color of ash never fades
But the dead still smile in heaven.

Day 136/366

Diminishing returns from the bond
That society and I seem to share,
The more I give, the less I feel,
At the end, why should anyone care?

A good deed goes unnoticed,
As do the evils of the world;
Rapes and murders too rampant -
The bare truth never unfurled.

Why adopt the mob mentality?
Why struggle to be accepted by the crowd?
Stay independent and brutally honest
To your principles that do you proud.

Day 93/366

Don't force anything, ever. That's the root of peer pressure, rape, suicide, bulimia and several other evils of society. Don't pray to an idol if it doesn't make sense to you doing it. Don't lose your virginity if the feeling isn't right. Let life take it's natural course and let things happen as and when they're supposed to. Though I should probably work on this one, don't slow down the pace or rush it using external substances that change one's state of mind. This post might sound a little preachy but I'm just typing out whatever is coming to my mind as it is flowing. Let life play itself out in a similar way.

Day 89/366

The old man I once met on the road,
Too cool for school was he,
With shades, a sweater, and a lungi on
His white turban made his look complete.

The unfair world deprived him of lots,
But perhaps he was inwardly content.
But honestly that thought seems unlikely to me:
For I'm someone with a roof above my head.

It was not his fault
To have been born this way,
That fact will never be okay.
But give a little,
Try to make his day,
His smile's worth a million bucks.

Day 86/366

"You cannot trust me," said the cigarette,
"I am known to hit and run.
 I am the master of seduction,
My victims quivering with fun.

A momentary pleasure have I to give,
Just as a cup of coffee would do.
Society just gave me a rawer appeal,
Step back now, would you?

Do not fall in love with me,
I am known not to spare.
Dream. Live a life free of me,
Or come join me if you dare."