Day 358/366

Watch her blush the final time,
As she sinks behind the hill,
Disappearing without a glimpse of hope,
Taking the light with her fall.

Like the broken sunset,
This journey ends,
Ceaseless without a start-
You came, stayed and left
In the blink of an eye,
I don't even know what went on.

Like the morning star,
In the gloomiest sky,
Shining with all its might.
Leaving the day incomplete,
Let us end this now with grace.

To hold on to the idea of you,
Anew, yet seemingly old.
Of matters of the heart,
I am but a stranger,
Just as you shall be one again.

Day 330/366

It's nice to know that love can happen in so many different ways. And it's really amazing to watch two people at the starting line of falling in love, eager to begin their journey together. The thing is, that I've always been slightly or honestly, very skeptical about arranged marriages. Today it struck me that actually, all marriages are arranged, all love is matched. It's only a matter of when, where and how the two of you meet.

Day 199/366

There she sat in a red shawl clad around her body in a green and yellow auto in the rain. Sunk in deep thoughts, her sad eyes begged me to hear her story. At least that’s what my mind made to believe. My mind had stopped functioning as I knew it.

Was she old or young? I couldn’t tell exactly. But her kohl under the eyes did seem to suggest a perfect blend of mystery and maturity. It was that one brief moment that she looked at me that I knew something would always draw me back to her. To that quantum of time that trapped me.

But I did not pursue her. I did not follow her home despite every attempt my insides were making to make me go. Something made me walk out of that bus stop.  Something stronger pulled me back.

While I stood getting wet in that windy storm, I just watched her go.

Perhaps, I shall never know what her parents named her and why. Perhaps we shall cross paths again.

If only.

Day 162/366

For almost two years now, I've had this scary thing happening to me - I've been seeing sparks all around me. Seemingly insignificant interactions with members of the opposite sex made me often feel like there was something there. And sometimes, there was. I was the hero of every story. I was living my life the way I thought I wanted to. There was nothing holding me back from feeling and expressing however little or much I wanted to and in whatever way I felt appropriate. For once, it was about what I wanted and not what someone else wanted me to be.

It might have been the fact that it was college. Or perhaps, I had just realized that being single was easier and less emotionally consuming than being in a relationship where I had to change my life around to accommodate someone into it. It's been a while since I've had to do that. And at the rate I'm going, it's going to be a while till I have to.

I hate love. And because I've got close enough glimpses of it all around me, it scares me. While I'm not busy hating and fearing the idea of falling in love (don't worry, it's just rare occasions like tonight when someone triggers off this thought process), I'm a really happy person. And this is not something that I have to convince myself to believe. When it comes to the idea of relationships, there's a lot of convincing needed. I've seen some people who were just naturally born to be in relationships. They know how to be good girlfriends/boyfriends and they believe that the person they are with is the one that they're destined to be with. Some have been wrong; some haven't. When you see a phenomenon occurring on such a large scale all around you, you're allowed to think that it'll hit you one day too. Sadly/luckily, I've been clean so far.

I've come to discover that I'm a person who needs only my family and a few friends in my life to keep me sane. I'm happier alone than in the company of people. There was a time when I would befriend a stranger and tell him/her about my entire life story. I was too trusting and naive and over time, I suffered the consequences of this. I also found some amazing friends in strangers thanks to this nature of mine. But I never managed to find a lover.

Sometimes, I want to know what all the fuss is about. On others, I don't. My only question is that if my feelings on the notion of feeling this particular emotion are so volatile and transient in nature, how can the emotion itself not have the same qualities? 

Day 109/366

Conversations with a stranger you know you'll only ever be having that one conversation with are the best ones. I met him the other day: tall, sweet looking and quiet chap. In the balcony we sat, talking much and little.

He told me about how he thinks that before we started declaring countries as those full of happy or miserable people, Africa's tribals were the happiest ones in the world. He told me his theory of how true sports like swimming and archery come naturally because it's instinct. For example, you learn to swim to survive in water; you play football to perfect your foot-eye coordination. "Sports like cricket & wrestling are just made up and require advertising," he'd said. I was merely amused and intrigued by this strange young man who was delighted at the possibilities of this theories being true. I kept making little notes in my head on the things he said.

He liked forests more than the hills or the sea. I told him why the sea appeals to me. We discussed how humans have completely screwed with the animal kingdom and in turn, environment. We spoke of music and global warming and categorizations (people are thinkers, listeners, writers and/or non-writers). He let me go on talking and ranting on about things he probably wasn't interested in. And I was just talking too much because I felt too nervous around him. But I must admit, it was a good kind of nervous.